


America’s Sexual Awakening

by WatermelonAntlers



Category: Hetalia - Fandom, Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: America is gay lmao, Coming Out, Germany is gay too lol, Half assed editing but whatever, Italy is like bi or smth idek, M/M, Pasta, Pasta Bathtub, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 00:05:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16902288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WatermelonAntlers/pseuds/WatermelonAntlers
Summary: Italy is cryingGermany is trying to be the comfortAmerica is America





	America’s Sexual Awakening

     When Germany walked in on Italy making, eating, feeding to his dog, or forcing pasta into Japan's mouth it wasn't a surprise, but when Germany walked in on Italy in while he was in the tub it was very much a surprise. Normally having a bath was a non-surprising thing, but the thing was, there wasn't any water in the tub. Instead the bathtub was filled to the brim with bow tie pasta and fettuccine. Oh and the fact that Italy was sobbing like a sorority girl who just broke up with her boyfriend. He even had a bowl of ice cream. 

Germany wasn't even fazed by this. He sighed and asked, "Why do have a bowl of spaghetti and ice cream Italy?"  
     Italy looked up, "Because ice cream and spaghetti is good!" he replied in his usual cheeriness.  
     "Italy, you're crying," Germany stated, still standing in the doorframe.  
     “Yes I am."  
     "Then why the hell are you still speaking like you're giddy and on drugs?"  
     “Do you mean my "naturar cheeriness" as Japan calls it!" Italy asked. He took another bite of the ice-pasta-cream, and continued with the food in his mouth, "Cause I can't help it! It's actually my normal voice! Like when I'm angry I'll sound like this, when I'm sad I'll sound like this, when I'm happy I'll sound like this, when-"  
     “Ok ok!" Germany interrupted, finally stepping fully into the bathroom and approached the tub, "What's wrong then?"  
     “Oh it's nothing Germany!"  
     "You're lying."  
     “No I'm not! I'm perfectly fine!"  
     “You were sobbing in a bathtub full of spaghetti, naked,” Germany crouched down so he was eye level with Italy. "And don't say you weren't crying, I can see the mascara on your face."  
     “It's bow tie pasta."  
     “Not the point Italy."

     Italy shifted, and began to awkwardly get up out of the tub before being held down by Germany, "Italy, you're naked."  
     “So, Germany?"  
     “You're naked."  
     Italy sighed, "If you insist." and sat back down in the tub again.

  
     They sat there for a bit, neither really knowing what to say.  
     “Italy," Germany spoke up first, "why were you crying?"  
     Italy bit his lip, "Do I have to tell you?"  
     “No, but then I wouldn't be able to help with whatever it is,” Germany rolled up his sleeve and stuck his hand in the pasta and dug around a bit until he found Italy's hand, which he then held comfortingly.

     Italy stared at Germany for a minute before he slowly said, "I... So I like this person." Italy looked for Germany's reaction but found none.  
     Truth be told though, Germany was freaking out, but hiding it well. He thought he could help Italy, but if it was a love issue — like it was, Germany's advice wouldn't count for anything.  
Italy continued, "A-And I told America."  
     “You like America!?" Germany yelled, out of all things this wasn't anything he'd expected.  
     “No!" Italy went red, like a tomato 🍅. He released his own hand from Germany's and stuck it back into the pasta, "I told him who I liked! Not that I like him!"  
     "Oh. Why would you tell America if all people?"  
     Italy took a breath in, "Anyways."  
     “Yes, anyways,” Germany said, a silent sense relief in his words.  
     "I told America who I liked and..." Italy paused. Under the layers of bow tie pasta his hands were fidgeting, a nervous habit of his. He looked down as he told Germany the reason of his suffering, "He called me gay."  
     "Did you say 'No you'?"  
     Italy slowly shook his head, "No, he didn't give me a chance to."  
     Despite all the sauce, noodles, and the fact that Italy was naked, Germany hugged Italy, "Oh my poor child."  
     “But the thing is Germany," Germany let go of Italy, so he could pay attention to what the Italian was saying, "it’s true. Well, partly."  
     Germany considered this for a second, "I thought only straight boys took offence to gay?"  
     Italy shrugged, "I guess cause I know he isn't gay. I think."  
     Germany thought for a moment, "Just ask him then."

     There was a beat of silence, and since this isn't a cliché fic, there weren't any unspoken words passed between the two.  
     “Germany..." Italy began, “Do you take offence to gay?"  
     Germany glanced at the floor, "I guess I don't."  
     And at that moment America kicked down the door and screamed, "HA! GAY!"  
     “No you,” Germany calmly responded, and elbowed America in the eye.  
     America's non-elbowed eye widened, he was now gay. This was devastating for America so he left the bathroom and wept in a corner.

  
     Germany rolled his eyes, and turned back his attention to Italy, who was staring at Germany through teary eyes.  
     “You're... you're not straight Germany?"  
     Germany shrugged, "I guess not." Italy stared at Germany, and Germany stared back, "So like, how are you going to ask him if he — whoever you like, Italy, is gay?"  
     Italy bit his lip, "I-I can't."  
     "Why can't you?" Germany asked. Italy stayed silent, “Italy?"  
     “...It's Papa John."

     Germany stood up and left.


End file.
